My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
