Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
