you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
