you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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