i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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