This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
