Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
