yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
