I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
