I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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