Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
