i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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