Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
