My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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