I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Randomize
