you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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