Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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