You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
