so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize