i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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