she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Randomize