you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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