genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
