So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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