I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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