Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
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