Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Randomize
