i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Randomize
