My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
