She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
