How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Randomize
