just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
