I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
