What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Randomize
