he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
