I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
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