i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize