Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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