I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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