I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
