woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
My vagina just recognized that song.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
