thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize