Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
