Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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