There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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