I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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