you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
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handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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