puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
she peed on how many people?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
