make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
