the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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