No awkward lesbian experiences without me
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
