best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
