K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
