i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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