and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
