Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
