So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
