just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
