he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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