Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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