He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
