I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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