Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
