I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
