We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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