Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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