I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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