And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Randomize
