I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
