She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
